Step 7

Step Seven: Consistently build confidence and trust

Moving beyond the status quo does require a fair bit of trial and error. We may take on some calculated risks just so we can flex our muscles and stay alert to our growing capacity. At this stage it can be helpful to be of a childlike mind. Get curious, explore, experiment. For example, at some point, every child wants to pick up a cup of milk and then drink from it. The first grasp is exciting, a glimmer of glee to hold something and be independent.  Next is to coordinate the intention of drinking with physical accuracy, as the cup travels towards the mouth, finding the right angle to funnel the milk, and nonetheless it flows down the chin and somewhat surprisingly on the floor. Yet, the child will attempt to do it all over again, despite the awkwardness, messiness, and less than satisfactory result. For a child, it’s the process of building confidence in his or her actions and experience. Children can remind us of the perseverance to repeat something or try again until we get it right.

To shake things up, to learn, it’s necessary to embrace a willingness to make mistakes; this lessons the anxiety and opens our capacity to know and trust ourselves. Personally, professionally, and in business, mistakes can be costly, that is why we must apprentice our own skills and their application and those of others. It is important to position yourself or people (i.e., employees) wisely so you can be afforded the opportunity to master your skills and grow in capacity without undue threats to costs and safety. The reward in this foresight and planning can be demonstrated in creative, innovative, and profitable outcomes.

In managing areas of personal or professional change, you may just want to keep a secret for a while. In other words, who really needs to know what it is you are attempting to be or do? I mention this because the process of building personal trust and confidence requires sensitivity, timing, and a few rehearsals without the fanfare.  The person who needs to know is you! Often on a moment to moment notice, gradually implementing your next move. You need to be aware of the steps you are taking and by casting a crew in production, you could potentially derail every inspiring intention.  Say for example, you plan to host an event – a dinner party. It’s going to get you out of your social rut, re-invite friends back into your life. Your secret: you are really fearful of the outcome, perceive yourself as a ‘lousy’ cook and socially shy. But, you are going to do it anyway because you need to prove to yourself you can do this, as another step toward dismantling fear and becoming confident in your capabilities. So you go ahead, plan, host, and everyone at the end tells you it was a fabulous dinner. Meanwhile, none of your guests knew what you went through to make it happen. The point is, you did and you had a plan to do it that built confidence and trust for the next challenge.

Keep doing mini applications, small tasks and actions that add to your results, over and over again, practicing the skills necessary to achieve what is is you desire.  It’s like learning to play the piano or a piece of music; at first, you are banging out on the keys, sounding horrible and gradually it gets easier, smoother, and has more rhythm. It sounds fantastic when you’ve practiced, so much so, you are ready for an audience! (well, maybe a small one).

The final comment I wish to make about building trust and confidence, is the worthy consideration of going to the ‘worst case scenario’. It’s helpful to consider what this could be for any new change or transition one is preparing for.  For instance, say you are planning to take your creative hobby (poetry writing) to the next level – presenting your poetry in public. You decide on the format, a live poetry event, as the next logical step after sharing some work among selected audiences of family and friends. In preparation, you go face to face with your worst case scenario; that being, forgetting every line while on stage at a public poetry reading event. Worst thing that happens? You walk off the stage with some minor embarrassment and chalk it up to experience. Now that you’ve gone there, you navigate yourself so this is less than likely to happen, creating strategies to deal with on stage jitters and any number of things that can possibly come up. Granted some things are unexpected; however, if you learn to manage things you can potentially foresee, then you can draw a clear distinction of what you will take responsibility for or emotionally contain and what you will not.

Similar to our experience of watching great performers or leaders in action, we do not see the hours of preparation and practice, just the dazzling presentation. Before any one performer enters the stage, confidence in his or her ability has endured many of hours of critical feedback and hours of rehearsal.  The trust in self shows up as beautifully executed expression and brilliance.

In moving beyond the status quo, it is helpful to become an observer of your own process. Being aware of your choices, actions, and reflective of those, can aid in your trust. You are more confident as each decision is acted upon. This is the art of noticing. To practice this art, I offer this exercise: write down every single reason you can’t change. Review your reasons, some may be bunk, silly, or some you can work with. Then go on and ask yourself, ‘What am I gaining by not changing?’ Hint here: negative reinforcement, pain, discomfort and procrastination. The difference between staying the same and transformation may just begin by noticing the daily irritations and grievances, and trusting your inner voice that says, ‘Enough! It’s time to make a move.’